Sacrifice
by StellaDallas
Summary: What started out as a night of celebration for 3 women turns into a night of atrocity when a stranger crosses their path… will their friendship be enough to see them through?...Warning: This story contains adult themes and is not suitable for all readers.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: The characters in this story are the property of Dick Wolfe and NBC._

_A/N: I do appreciate constructive feedback if you've got any to offer. If you think it's terrible please feel free to let me know and I'll stop._

Alex, Casey, and Olivia were walking down Atlantic Ave away from the Dragon Lounge where they had just spent the last four hours celebrating. The three friends had just closed the bar down at 3am and were now admittedly a little worse for the wear.

Casey probably being the more vocal of the three reached over and flung an arm around Alex's shoulder as they walked knocking the blonde slightly off balance.

"So _Miss_ Cabot…", Casey began lightly purposely emphasizing the word 'Miss', "What are you going to make this poor new fiancé of yours do to get you to change your name?"

Walking on the other side of Alex, Olivia laughed and threw her arm over Alex's shoulders as well and stumbled slightly.

"Miss Novak, I'd like to introduce you to your new co-council… Mrs. Alexandra Finkel", Olivia teased grinning at her two best friends.

Alex made a poor attempt to feign seriousness.

"There's nothing wrong with the name Finkel", the blonde replied indignantly, "I'm only keeping Cabot to avoid confusion around courthouse."

Casey laughed again and snorted causing Alex to stop short and throw her head back in laughter.

Composing herself, Alex wiped a tear from her eye and put her arms around both women.

"Okay okay", Alex relented as she started walking again pulling the two women along with her. "I'll admit the man DOES have a slightly unfortunate last name! … though I can think of a few other things that he's DEFINITELY fortunate in!"

"ALEX!", Olivia exclaimed incredulously while Casey burst out laughing which caused her to snort again sending all three women into a fit of giggles.

Having managed to compose herself first, Alex took a second to glance over at both women watching Olivia try to reach around her back to try to pinch Casey and watching Casey try to swat her hand out of the way.

Alex grinned as she realized that for one of the first times in her life she was completely content. A year and a half ago she had been hidden away in witness protection working as a librarian in Piedmont, North Dakota wondering if she would ever feel happiness and contentment again. Now here she was back in New York, engaged to a man who she truly believed to be her soul mate, and spending a night out on the town with her two best friends.

"Hey!", Olivia said breaking Alex out of her reverie, "If you grin any wider there babe your face might stay like that."

Pulling both her friends closer, Alex let a solitary tear slide down her cheek.

Her voice cracked slightly as she looked between the two women. "I was just thinking how lucky I am to have two amazing friends like you guys in my life."

Casey reached over and wiped the tear from Alex's cheek with her thumb. "And that's the liquor talking! Come on, Alex, none of this sappy stuff! You'll ruin the FABULOUS job Liv and I did on your makeup!", she said teasingly before leaning in and giving the blonde a sisterly kiss on the side of the head.

"You deserve all the happiness in the world, Al.", the redhead said sincerely.

"And don't you forget it.", Olivia continued squeezing Alex's shoulder.

"Alright now like I said, enough of this sappy stuff!", Casey said lightheartedly. "Hey Liv! Elliot Stabler, Trevor Langon, John Munch.", Casey asked continuing the game they had been playing all night at the bar.

Both Alex and Casey laughed as Olivia's face turned bright red.

"Come on, Liv…", Alex teased, "fuck, chuck, or marry?"

"That's easy.", Olivia said quickly composing herself and then grinning slyly, "marry and fuck Elliot and chuck the other two clowns!"

"Olivia!", Casey cried, "That's cheating! You have to pick one to fuck, one to chuck, and one to marry!"

Olivia was about to protest when a man who seemed to come out of nowhere stepped out in front of the women.

"I'm afraid she's right, baby", the man interrupted, "unless of course you wanna put my name is on that list…"

Annoyed by the stranger's advance and more annoyed by the fact that he had just called her 'baby', Olivia scowled at the man before politely but coldly responding, "I'm sorry but this is a private conversation and whatever you're looking for I'm sure we're not interested."

As the three women began to walk around the stranger he stepped in front of them again with a sick smile on his face.

"Come on, baby, there's no need to be rude. Three sexy ladies all dressed up walking around town in the middle of the night… clearly you're lookin' for SOME action."

Though slightly intoxicated, Olivia's instincts began to kick in as she noticed an all too familiar look in the man's eyes. Looking around quickly, the detective took notice of their surroundings for the first time since they had left the bar. She became somewhat uneasy when she noticed that the street was practically deserted.

Returning her gaze to the man she instinctively began to size him up in case he was foolish enough to try something.

The stranger was about six feet tall, Caucasian, mid-30s… and had the body of a linebacker.

Though unsettled by that last characteristic, Olivia had been trained at the academy to fight men over twice her size and despite the fact that she was a little apprehensive she still had a feeling she could take him if the situation came down to that.

Unfortunately in a matter of seconds the situation changed drastically as the man moved closer and pulled a gun from the back of his pants.

Before Olivia had a chance to react the man reached out and grabbed the closest woman to him and pulled her close to his chest pressing the gun against her temple.

Casey.

"All right ladies, move!", he instructed nodding his head toward the alley to the left.

Olivia hesitated only for a second knowing that once they were no longer in the open the situation would become much worse but then realized she had no choice as the man gripped Casey's arm tighter causing the young red head to whimper.

"Okay okay…", Olivia said calmly gripping Alex's hand and heading for the alley, "just take it easy…"

After gently pulling Alex behind her, Olivia held up both her hands and attempted to take a step closer to the man who was now standing in front of her holding a gun to her best friend's head.

"Take it easy…", she repeated, "look you can take whatever you want just let her go."

"Oh I plan on taking whatever I want.", the man replied in a voice that made the brunette's stomach turn.

Olivia looked up and saw the fear in Casey's green eyes as the man leaned in and slowly licked the side of her face.

With the gun still pointed at the ADA's temple, Olivia was at a loss for what to do but she knew she wasn't going to stand by and let this man hurt her friend.

Cautiously taking another step forward, Olivia spoke again. "Listen, tell me what it is you want. I'll give you whatever you want… just don't hurt her."

Another sickening smile crossed the man's face. "It's Olivia right?"

The detective nodded realizing he must have heard Alex or Casey say her name.

"You seem awfully eager to help, Olivia…", he began in that same nauseating voice, "Are you offering to take red's place? I do prefer my women feisty…"

Casey's eyes immediately snapped up and met Olivia's.

"Liv, no!", Casey exclaimed realizing what her friend was about to do.

Not waiting for a response the man suddenly threw Casey forward into Alex causing both women to fall to the ground.

Casey spun around quickly only to look up and find Olivia in the exact same position she was just in moments ago.

"Liv… no…", Casey whispered as her eyes filled with tears.

Still sitting on the ground, Alex attempted to pull Casey closer and turn the younger woman's head away from the situation that was unfolding in front of them.

"I don't think so!", the man barked, "neither one of you move and if I see either of you look away for a second I'll blow her head off! Got it?"

Olivia tried to remain calm even while looking down into the eyes of her terrified friends. She knew she would never forgive herself if anything happened to either of them.

Though she tried to maintain a calm guarded look on her face her mind was racing while she desperately searched for something in her training to get her out of this situation. Unfortunately not only did she have a weapon pointed directly at her head but she also had her two best friends sitting on the pavement a few yards in front of her. There was no plan of action that Olivia could come up with that didn't pose the serious risk of one of her friends getting shot during a struggle for the weapon.

It was then that Olivia knew there was nothing she could do except remain calm for her friends and steel herself against whatever was about to happen.


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer: The characters in this story are the property of Dick Wolfe and NBC._

_A/N: I do appreciate constructive feedback if you've got any to offer. If you think it's terrible please feel free to let me know and I'll stop._

Alex sat on the ground in horror gripping Casey's hand and trying desperately to make eye contact with Olivia to give her… something! Support? She didn't know what.

A few minutes ago she was walking down the street with her friends, laughing, and having probably one of the best nights of her life and now she was sitting on the pavement of a damp alley watching a monster holding a gun to her friend's head and getting ready to do god knows what.

She watched as the man grazed the back on his hand along the detective's cheek and down her neck pausing above her breast. He was staring intently at her waiting for a reaction but Alex knew Olivia wasn't about to give him one. Olivia was much to proud to beg or cry and instead kept her gaze fixed on a spot on the brick wall above Alex and Casey's heads. It broke Alex's heart to know that the main reason Olivia wasn't resisting was to protect the two attorneys.

Olivia eyes showed no emotion as his hand tugged at her blouse until the top buttons popped off and he was able to slip his hand inside her shirt and roughly grope her breast.

"I see you're awfully quiet now, baby", he whispered letting his lips linger over her ear, "I know you like it."

Alex and Casey both had tears in their eyes as they watched the man try to elicit a response from Olivia and knowing that she would never give him the satisfaction.

"Don't worry, baby", he continued as he flicked his tongue over her earlobe, "I'll make you scream…"

He pulled his hand away from her breast and slid it down over the fabric of her shirt before slipping it up under the hem and rubbing her abdomen.

"A slutty bitch like yourself…", he whispered through a crooked smile, "I bet you're already wet aren't you?"

It was when he slipped his hand into the front of her pants that Casey finally broke and spoke out.

"Please stop!"

The man looked over at Casey and laughed bitterly as he slid his hand farther into her pants.

Still looking at Casey he whispered into Olivia's ear, "Seems your friend red over there wants us to stop. If you want to stop I can go back to her instead…"

Olivia kept staring stoically at the wall.

"What's it going to be Olivia baby?", he taunted as he pushed them both half a step closer to the ADAs, "Do you want me to stop?"

"No.", she whispered hollowly.

"What was that baby?", he prodded laughing to himself and drinking in the horrified look on the other women's faces, "Tell me you don't want me to stop."

"I don't want you to stop.", the brunette replied quietly with no emotion.

"Good. I was hoping you'd stay that.", he said and quickly twisted his hand.

Casey and Alex both watched helplessly as Olivia's whole body jolted while letting out an agonizing yelp and both women knew he just entered her.

"Liv… honey…", Alex's voice trailed off as tears streamed down her cheeks.

She could hear Casey quietly sobbing next to her as Olivia's face contorted but managed to bite back another scream.

Thinking furiously for something she could do to put an end to this horror Alex suddenly noticed that her purse had fallen directly behind her. While the stranger seemed focused on Olivia, Alex slowly moved her hands behind her back and slipped her cell phone out of her purse. Her hands still out of site she flipped the phone open and dialed 911 careful to shut off the volume on the phone so as to not alert the attacker. Silently counting to 20 in her head and hoping that was enough time for someone on the other end to pick up she began taping out the Morse code for SOS on the keypad. Unsure if anyone was on the line and unsure if they'd even be able to trace the location of the phone, Alex continued pressing the same pattern while continuing to watch the scene unfold in front of her.

"That feels good doesn't it baby?"

Although obviously in pain it seemed Olivia had returned to her stoic state which only seemed to anger her attacker.

"Fine.", he exclaimed, "If you don't want to appreciate my generosity then it's my turn."

The man backed away from Olivia slightly and held the gun point blank at her forehead as he forced her down on her knees.

Undoing his buckle and pulling his warped erection from his pants he, without any warning, rammed his erection into the brunette's mouth.

Olivia started gagging and choking immediately and tried to pull back but the man used his free hand to grab a fist full of her hair to keep her in place while he thrust himself repeatedly into her face.

Casey started to protest again but stopped when she saw Olivia put up her hand. Even while her friend was being brutally attacked by this psychopath the young attorney was stunned that she was still more concerned about her friends than herself.

A few minutes that seemed like hours later the man pulled himself back, released his grip on Olivia's hair, and with his free hand ejaculated all over Olivia's face and chest.

After buckling his pants he squatted down to where Olivia was kneeling, grabbed her crotch, and whispered, "I hope that was as good for you as it was for me Olivia".

The man then turned around and took off down the alley.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Olivia!", Casey exclaimed wiping the tears from her eyes as she jumped up and rushed toward the detective.

In what seemed to be a state of shock, Olivia's tired body had collapsed and she was now curled up in a tight ball on the pavement.

As Casey hurried to the older woman's side, Alex pulled out her cell phone again and redialed 911 to make sure that if the police did get her message and were sending help that they were also sending an ambulance.

Casey knelt down beside the detective and tried to place a palm on the side of the older woman's head but pulled back immediately when Olivia jerked away.

Instead Casey kept her movements slow and carefully laid down on her side on the pavement facing the traumatized woman.

"God… Liv…", she whispered to herself having never before seen such fear and vulnerability in the woman she wasn't afraid to admit that she always admired and somewhat idolized.

Careful not to touch her friend she simply laid on the ground as close as possible to try to offer some comfort.

"Liv?… It's over, sweetheart.", she whispered reassuringly, "Alex is calling for help. Just stay with me, honey."

Covering her hand with her sleeve, Casey slowly moved her hand toward the brunette's face.

"Shhhh… it's okay, honey.", she whispered as she gently tried to wipe the semen off her friend's face.

"It's just me, sweetheart.", she continued as she felt the detective pull away again, "Shhh.. he's gone, honey. It's just me… I'm not going to hurt you…"

Though she had only partially managed to wipe the older woman's face she sensed her friend's fear when she touched her.

"Okay honey…", she said softly while pulling her hand back, "I'm not going to touch you, okay?… I'm just going to stay right here with you until help comes… I won't leave you…"

Hanging up the phone, Alex looked over and saw Olivia and Casey lying side by side on the pavement. Even from where she was standing she could see Olivia's body shaking and could see Casey's lips moving trying to comfort her. Standing there watching her best friend lay on the ground broken and knowing the horrors her friend had endured to protect her and Casey, Alex was suddenly overcome with an overwhelming urge to vomit.

Running back a few yards toward the brick wall, Alex's body quickly purged itself of the expensive dinner her friends had bought her only hours before.

As Alex stood up and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand she heard sirens in the distance. After taking a quick glance at Casey and Olivia, Alex ran down to the end of the alley to flag down the paramedics.


	3. Chapter 3

_Disclaimer: The characters in this story are the property of Dick Wolfe and NBC._

_A/N: I do appreciate constructive feedback if you've got any to offer. If you think it's terrible please feel free to let me know and I'll stop._

No more than a half hour later Casey and Alex were both sitting anxiously in the waiting room of the ER gripping each others hand.

Since Olivia didn't want to be touched it took a while for the paramedics to get her onto the stretcher but since she was also in an extreme state of shock she wasn't able to put up much of a fight when she was finally picked up and placed in the ambulance.

When they had gotten to the hospital Casey and Alex had begged Olivia to let at least one of them go in with her but Olivia had refused.

So now they were left waiting. Waiting without knowing what was going on and wanting nothing more than to comfort their friend.

Still gripping Alex's hand, Casey was the first one to speak.

"How did this happen?", she asked in a gravely voice not really expecting an answer.

Alex shook her head silently unable to form words.

After another minute passed Alex was jolted out of her fog when she heard Casey slam her free hand down on the arm of the chair.

"Damn it, Alex!", Casey yelled in frustration, "Why did she do it!"

Alex looked up to see tears streaming down Casey's face.

"Why did she have to play the fucking hero! It should have been me!"

Casey was now sobbing openly and Alex turned in her chair and pulled the young attorney into her arms.

"Honey, this is not your fault", Alex began finding it difficult to keep her emotions in check. "Put the blame where it belongs… with that worthless excuse for a human being."

Still clinging to Alex, Casey whispered into her shoulder. "I would trade places with her in a second right now if I could."

Alex held Casey tighter, her voice cracking as she spoke. "So would I, Case. So would I…"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Though the tears had subsided the women remained in each other's arms until a nurse walked up to them and gently touched Alex's shoulder.

"Miss Cabot? Miss Novak?"

Pulling away, Alex looked up at the young nurse with bleary eyes.

"Yes? Is the doctor finished already? How is she?", she asked in a rush.

The nurse let out a small sigh. "Well that's just it. Miss Benson refuses to let the doctors examine her. We couldn't even get her into a gown and now she's demanding to be allowed to sign out AMA."

Casey shot Alex a concerned look before standing.

"Can we talk to her?", Casey asked.

"It might help.", the nurse replied, "I don't know what she's been through but I've seen women come into the ER in her condition before and it's extremely important that they get checked out."

Of course Alex and Casey already knew this (as did Olivia for that matter) but rather than take the time to explain their profession to this woman they just asked her to lead them to their friend.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Alex reached the door to the exam room first and knocked lightly on the door before poking her head in. The attorney felt a knot in her stomach when she saw that the room was empty.

"Shit.", Alex mumbled as she stepped into the room.

"She's gone.", Alex stated when Casey walked up beside her.

The blonde ADA was just turning to leave when she felt Casey grab her forearm.

"Alex.", Casey whispered.

Alex looked up and then followed Casey's gaze to the corner of the room.

Olivia was sitting on the floor in the far corner of the room hugging her knees to her chest.

The two attorneys exchanged another concerned look before cautiously making their way over to their friend.

Not wanting to seem threatening the two women slowly sat down on the floor across from the detective.

"Liv?", Alex began gently.

Olivia slowly picked her head up and Alex inhaled deeply taking in her friend's disheveled state for the first time in the light. Her silk blouse was ripped, her face was dirty except for the lines her tears had made down her cheeks, and her hair and skin were still covered in her attacker's semen.

Alex swallowed hard, forced herself to look into the detective's eyes, and gave her a small smile.

"What's going on?", she asked casually as if the three of them sat around on hospital floors all the time.

"Take me home.", Olivia whispered, her voice raspy partially from fear and shock and partially from the trauma to her throat.

Alex carefully moved in a little closer and smiled sympathetically at the detective. "I promise we'll take you home, sweetheart, but I'm worried about you. Casey and I want to make sure you're okay…"

"I'm fine.", the older woman managed to whisper before breaking into a coughing fit.

Casey moved in to comfort the woman when Olivia's coughing turned into gagging.

"She's going to be sick.", Casey called out as Alex jumped up and grabbed a basin off the table returning just in time as Olivia's body began shaking involuntarily as she wretched into the basin.

Casey gently placed a hand on Olivia's back and when the detective didn't pull away she started slowly rubbing small circles between her shoulder blades.

After emptying the contents of her stomach, which consisted mostly of alcohol, into the basin she flopped back against the wall trying to catch her breath.

The women gave Olivia a minute before Alex continued. "Liv? Why won't you let the doctors make sure you're okay?"

"There's nothing to check.", the older woman whispered taking a deep breath, "I'm fine. Nothing happened."

"Liv… something did happen…", Casey began.

"I'm fine!", Olivia interrupted somewhat loudly. "It's not like I was raped!", she choked out before experiencing another fit of coughs.

"Shhh… take it easy… try not to strain your voice…", the younger attorney said soothingly before looking over at Alex.

"Olivia.", Alex said softly but firmly, "I know you want this whole thing to go away. God, Casey and I would give ANYTHING to be able to turn back the clock and take away what happened to you. But Olivia…". Alex sighed. "You were sexually assaulted, Olivia. You were sodomized. You had a gun pointed at your head and you were forced to participate in sexual acts against your will."

Alex reached over and placed her hand gently on the older woman who was now crying silently. "That's rape, sweetheart."


	4. Chapter 4

_Disclaimer: The characters in this story are the property of Dick Wolfe and NBC._

_A/N: I do appreciate constructive feedback if you've got any to offer. If you think it's terrible please feel free to let me know and I'll stop._

Olivia nodded slowly through her tears but couldn't bring herself to look up at her friends. She knew Alex was right. She'd hadn't even believed the words herself when they came out of her mouth in frustration.

She knew as she sat on the hospital floor that she was being irrational. The sharp pain where he had touched her that brought tears to her eyes every time she moved was evidence that she was being irrational. The fact that every time she took a breath she felt him on the back of her throat and wanted to gag told her she was being irrational.

And yet she didn't care. She didn't want to be rational. She didn't want to be touched. Examined. She didn't want the "evidence" collected off her face for Christ's sake! She didn't want the concerned looks her friends kept exchanging that seemed to imply that she wasn't aware of what had happened.

She knew what had happened. Growing up with a mother who spent most of her life staring into a bottle, Olivia knew what it was like to be abused. To have to disassociate oneself from what was being done to them. Yet in all those years... she had never experienced anything as horrific and painfully humiliating as she had tonight.

She didn't want to be rational.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It had taken some time but Olivia had finally consented to being helped off the floor and onto the exam table. The detective was sitting on the edge of the table with her feet dangling over the side staring intently at the tray next to her. As Casey picked up the hospital she followed Olivia's gaze over to the tray where there was a small stack of clear bags marked evidence.

Casey's heart sank seeing the tortured look on the brunette's face.

"Liv?", Casey asked softly holding up the gown.

Olivia's head turned but her eyes remained locked on the evidence bags.

Alex also noticed what her friend was focused on and gently stepped forward into Olivia's line of vision.

She watched Olivia's eyes move to look at the hospital gown and then look quickly down at the clothes she was wearing.

After a few shaky breaths the detective reached up and fidgeted with the buttons on her blouse before dropping her trembling hands to her lap.

Still leery of touching her friend, Alex placed her hand on the exam table beside Olivia's thigh and bent down trying to meet the detectives eyes.

"Olivia?", she said gently, "let me help you…"

When she didn't get a response Alex cautiously reached out and began undoing the buttons. She was just about to push the blouse back off Olivia's shoulders when she felt the woman's hands reach up and grab her wrists. Looking down Alex once again saw tears falling down her friend's face.

"Please don't", Olivia requested in a child-like whisper that seemed so vulnerable and innocent that it took the ADA by surprise.

Alex looked over at Casey who looked equally surprised and pained. Both women wanted desperately to help their friend but neither one of them knew exactly how.

"Olivia.", Alex began as she released the blouse and instead took hold of the detectives hands. "I know you're scared, Liv…", Alex said lowering her voice to a whisper, "but you need to do this honey. You're in pain. You've been trying to hide it but I can see it in your eyes. You're my best friend, Liv. Please let me help you."

After a moment Olivia finally looked up and locked eyes with the blonde attorney before nodding slowly.

Casey stepped forward with the gown covering Olivia while Alex slipped off the blouse and unhooked her bra.

"Can you stand up?", Casey asked gently after Olivia slide her arms through the holes in the gown.

Nodding again but still not speaking Olivia grimaced in pain as she slid off the table. Casey helped her step out of her pants and handed them to Alex who was discreetly placing the garments in individual evidence bags.

Hearing Casey let out a small gasp, Alex looked down to where Casey was squatting on the floor and saw Olivia's underwear around her ankles covered in blood. Immediately looking up at Olivia she saw the older woman turning her head away and hiding her face in humiliation.

"Hey", Alex said pulling Olivia's hands away from her face and forcing the detective to look at her. "It's okay. You don't have to hide from us, okay?", she said confidently as she saw Casey slip the undergarment into an evidence bag.

"You're our friend, Liv.", she said as if that explained everything.

Meanwhile Alex's head was reeling. She had known from the way Olivia was moving that she was obviously hurt but the attorney was shocked to see that much blood. It overwhelmed her with anger that someone had hurt Olivia that severely. It also broke her heart when she remembered that Olivia had barely said a word during the attack. She had barely made a noise while that monster was doing _that_ to her.

Alex was pulled from her thoughts when she felt Casey's hand on her arm.

"I'm going to go get the nurse.", Casey said quietly and gave Alex's arm a light squeeze before slipping out of the room.

Pushing her thoughts to the back of her mind, the older ADA pulled up a stool and sat down next to Olivia who was now lying back on the exam table staring at the ceiling. Alex tried to cover the brunette's hand with her own and couldn't help but feel slightly hurt when the detective pulled away.

She doesn't want to be touched, Alex thought.

Instead she moved the stool closer and rested both her arms on the table careful not to touch the other woman but maintaining close proximity so her friend would know that she was there… that she was not alone.


	5. Chapter 5

_Disclaimer: The characters in this story are the property of Dick Wolfe and NBC._

_A/N: I do appreciate constructive feedback if you've got any to offer. If you think it's terrible please feel free to let me know and I'll stop._

"Okay, Olivia, you can put your legs down now.", the nurse instructed pushing her stool back.

As Olivia got situated the nurse made a note on the detective's chart and walked over to the side of the bed near Casey.

Olivia had made a feeble attempt earlier to get her friends to leave again but Casey would be damned if she was going to let Olivia go through this alone. The redhead knew why Olivia kept pushing them away. For as long as Casey had known her Olivia had always presented a strong front; had always seemed in control of every situation. But somewhere in that alley Olivia's façade had cracked and now she was vulnerable. And since Olivia was Olivia she associated her vulnerability with weakness… a weakness she didn't want her friends to see.

Alex had at first protested when Casey suggested that they compromise with Olivia and have only one of them stay in the room but the blonde finally resigned understanding that for Olivia it was a matter of protecting her pride no matter how much her friends cared for her. Instead Alex agreed to wait outside the room and give an initial statement to the police.

And so Casey had sat with Olivia attempting to provide some sort of support. Olivia had remained stoic for the most part but Casey hadn't missed the humiliation in her eyes when the nurse took swabs of her face and chest or when Olivia had been asked to recount what had happened.

Now that the sexual assault nurse had finished the pelvic exam Casey had hoped it was over and she could take Olivia home where she'd feel more comfortable.

"Olivia?", the nurse began waiting for Olivia to look up, "I think we're just about all set here. There doesn't appear to be any real damage to your throat. The soreness you're feeling should fade in a few days."

"The pelvic exam didn't turn up any permanent damage", she continued, "but there is some tearing that has me a little concerned. It will heal but it's borderline whether or not it requires stitches."

Olivia closed her eyes for a moment and Casey was about to reach out to her when the detective sighed and looked back at the nurse.

"What now?", Olivia whispered.

"Well I'd like to bring in a doctor to take a look and make that call.", the nurse said before hesitating and softening her voice. "Olivia, the only two doctors on the floor right now are both male. Are you okay with that or would you like me to page a female doctor?"

Casey thought she caught a flicker of something in Olivia's eyes but then she heard Olivia tell the nurse that any doctor would be fine.

Once the nurse had exited the room the ADA gently moved closer to her friend.

"Liv?…", Casey said cautiously fearing that she was about to get her head taken off.

Olivia turned her head toward the attorney. "Hmm?", she mumbled absently.

"Honey… are you sure you don't want me to get a female doctor?… You don't have anything to prove here, Liv. Everyone will understand if you don't want a man to touch you…".

Casey spoke with such hesitancy and compassion Olivia couldn't help but return what she hoped was a small smile.

Casey was surprised to see Olivia take Casey's hand in hers and give it a light squeeze.

"I think I'll be okay… but… thank you.", Olivia whispered letting the words linger revealing that she was thanking the young woman for more than the offer.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Forty-five minutes later a cab pulled up to a stop in front of Olivia's apartment. Alex handed the driver a twenty dollar bill while Casey helped Olivia slide out of the cab.

Once the nurse had left the exam room it wasn't long before the male doctor had arrived. Casey had been able to tell immediately that Olivia wasn't comfortable with the man in the room but the detective remained silent and kept her eyes closed. Olivia's only outward display of discomfort was the death grip she had on the young ADA's hand.

As Casey stepped away from the cab, she flexed her now sore hand remembering how she had thought Olivia was going to break her fingers when the doctor applied the sutures.

"Case?", Olivia said weakly while still holding the door to the cab.

Forgetting about her aching fingers, Casey hooked her arm through Olivia's and offered the detective her sore hand allowing Olivia to use her for support.

After they'd taken a couple steps Alex came up along the other side of Olivia.

"You doin' okay, Liv?", she asked.

"Fine", Olivia whispered vaguely, "I don't need help."

"I know hon", Alex responded as she squeezed Olivia's hand, disregarded the detective's declaration, and mirrored Casey's hold.

"Almost there…", Casey said as they walked into the building.

Once inside the apartment Olivia pulled away from the two attorneys.

"Let me help you to the couch, Liv…", Casey offered.

The detective took a step back and shook her head.

"I uh… I just need a minute… please….", she said softly as she braced herself against the wall moved toward her bedroom.

Casey was about to protest but Alex spoke first.

"Okay, Liv, we'll be right out here.", Alex assured her as the detective disappeared behind her bedroom door.

"Alex!", Casey scolded in a hushed voice, "What are you doing? I think the last thing Olivia needs right now is to be alone!"

"Case, listen…", Alex began, "let's just give her a minute to herself and then we'll go check on her."

Casey started to argue again but Alex preempted her.

"How long have we known Olivia?", the older attorney asked not waiting for an answer, "you know the more we push her the more she's going to resist us. She just needs a little space so she doesn't feel suffocated."

Casey let out a loud sigh and rubbed her hands over her face. "I just feel so helpless you know?"

Alex reached out and pulled her friend into a hug. "I know, honey. Me too."

When Casey pulled away she looked down at her own appearance for the first time since the attack. Her nylons were torn and wet from the ground and her white skirt was covered in mud.

Looking up she realized Alex was in a similar state of disarray.

Following the young attorney's eyes Alex sighed herself and suggested that they get cleaned up quick and then go to Olivia.

Both women found the sweats they had worn to earlier in the night that they had left at Olivia's apartment after getting ready to go out.

After they got changed Alex sat on the couch with a far away look in her eyes.

Casey gently approached the ADA and sat on the couch next to her.

"Al?", she said in a concerned voice as she took hold of the blonde woman's hand.

When she saw a tear slip down Alex's cheek she put her arm around the older woman who in return rested her head on Casey's shoulder.

"I thought I had gotten away from all this, Case…", she said; her voice cracking with emotion.

The redhead pulled Alex in closer and rested her head on top of the blonde's while she waited for her to continue.

"I spent two years of my life constantly living in fear and looking over my shoulder… wondering if the next stranger I walked past on the street was going to be the one to put a bullet in me. I couldn't even…", her voice cracked as she let out a small sob, "I never let myself have any relationships with men because in the back of my mind all I could think about was whether or not this guy was genuine or whether he was sent by Valez to get close to me and then kill me…"

"Oh honey…", Casey said softly while rubbing her hand up and down the other woman's arm, "I can't imagine what that must have been like for you…"

Alex sniffled and pulled back to look at Casey.

"I thought that part of my life was finally over, Case. When I came back here everything felt… normal again… I… I felt safe. …and now… just when I finally let my guard down…"

Casey took hold of Alex's hands and gave them a tight squeeze.

"Alex, I'm glad you were able to come back here and feel safe again. I'm glad that you allowed yourself to fall in love. … I'm glad you allowed yourself to just live.", Casey said.

"I meant what I said before, Alex. You deserve all the happiness in the world. What happened tonight was…", the young ADA's voice dropped to a whisper as she bit back her emotions, "what happened tonight was beyond horrible. I don't think I'll ever…".

Casey's voice trailed off and she let out a jagged sigh.

"But don't let this one freak incident make you regret your life since you got back. I think it's going to take us all a while to get through this but we all love you Alex. Tom is absolutely crazy about you. Don't take all the good that's happened over the last 18 months away from yourself.", the young red head said firmly.

Alex pulled one of her hands away to wipe a tear off her cheek before pulling Casey into a fierce hug.

"Thank you, Case", she said in a voice full of emotion.

After not moving for a few moments Alex managed to collect herself and pull away.

Wiping her eyes one last time she cleared her throat and looked over at the clock on the VCR.

"It's been 15 minutes.", Alex said softly, "We should go check on Liv and get her cleaned up…"

Nodding Casey took Alex's hand again and squeezed it gently as the two woman got off the couch and walked down the hall hand in hand to Olivia's bedroom.


	6. Chapter 6

_Disclaimer: The characters in this story are the property of Dick Wolfe and NBC._

_A/N: I do appreciate constructive feedback if you've got any to offer. If you think it's terrible please feel free to let me know and I'll stop._

"Liv?", Alex called out tentatively as she knocked on the door.

Alex pressed her ear to the door and when she didn't get a response she exchanged a quick look with Casey before slowly turning the door knob.

"Liv?", she said again as she poked her head into the room.

As the two women cautiously stepped into the bedroom they saw Olivia sitting on the edge of her bed in the dark with her face in her hands. As Alex's eyes adjusted to the dark she noticed the detective's shoulders moving up and down gently and it became obvious the woman was crying.

The older attorney gently placed a hand on Casey's forearm signaling her to hang back for a minute while she slowly approached the detective.

"Liv?", she said for a third time.

Alex was sure that this was the first time that her friend had heard her when she saw Olivia futilely trying to wipe the tears from her eyes though they continued to fall.

"Hey…", Alex said softly as she slowly sat next to the detective on the bed. "It's okay to cry, Liv."

Olivia continued to scrub her hands over her face until Alex reached out slowly and took hold of Olivia's wrists.

"It's okay…", Alex repeated compassionately as she pulled the woman's hands down away from her face.

Still looking at the floor Olivia slowly turned her body toward Alex before leaning forward and resting her forehead against the blonde's shoulder.

Alex felt her friend's tears wet the fabric of her t-shirt as she cautiously lifted one arm and wrapped it around Olivia's shoulders.

Seeing that it was seemingly safe to approach the older woman and her demons, Casey silently slipped the rest of the way into the room and slid onto the bed behind Alex and Olivia.

After a minute or two Olivia pulled back and turned away from the two women.

"I am so s-sorry.", she said in a raspy voice.

Alex let out a small sigh, "It's okay to cry, Olivia…"

The brunette shook her head and dropped her chin to her chest.

"I let you down.", she said quietly.

Shocked by Olivia's admission Casey quickly tried to move further down the bed to face the detective but stopped when she saw Olivia turning insisting on keeping her back to the two women.

Casey gently laid her hand on Olivia's shoulder and was a little surprised by the quiver in her own voice when she spoke.

"Olivia… what on earth are you talking about?… After everything that…", Casey's voice broke and she sniffled, "You… you saved my life, Olivia. How could you possibly think you let us down?"

"It should never have happened.", the brunette whispered quietly still staring at her lap.

Trying desperately to catch on to Olivia's train of thought Alex replied, "No, honey, it shouldn't have happened. But Casey's right… you didn't let anyone down, Liv."

"I could have stopped it", the detective admitted as she began to cry softly again, "I was drunk."

Casey inhaled sharply realizing what Olivia was saying.

"Oh god Liv no…", the red head said quickly.

"I never should have let him get that close.", Olivia interrupted, "If I wasn't d-drunk I would have reacted s-sooner."

Alex rose off the bed and knelt down on the floor in front of the detective.

"Liv, look at me", Alex instructed but Olivia squirmed to turn away.

"Olivia.", Alex said in a commanding tone that made the detective look up.

Alex softened her voice and reached for the brunette's hand.

"Olivia this is NOT your fault.", the attorney said, "You weren't on duty. You weren't armed. That guy came out of no where. No one could have seen him coming. You are in NO WAY responsible for this, Olivia Benson."

Casey was now crying quietly behind Olivia and slowly slid her hand off the detective's shoulder and onto the mattress.

"Alex is right, Liv", Casey whispered, "I can't… I can't believe…".

Casey looked down and shook her head cursing herself for falling apart when she should be comforting Olivia. Olivia was the one who was tortured not her.

Hearing Casey's voice break Olivia momentarily forgot about her own guilt and winced in pain as she turned on the bed to face the younger attorney.

"What you went through…", Casey tried again as tears slipped off her chin, "I can't believe you…"

Casey choked on a sob.

"It should have been me, Liv. It should have been me…"

Both women now openly crying, Olivia put her arms around the young ADA.

"I am so SO sorry, Liv.", Casey whispered, "I am so sorry."

Olivia couldn't speak but she found Casey's hand and squeezed it tightly.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

As the women's crying subsided Alex, who had returned to her spot on the bed, gently touched Olivia's arm.

"Liv?", she asked, "listen Casey and I already changed… why don't we get you cleaned up too huh?"

Olivia reached up to touch her hair but stopped before actually touching it.

Alex grabbed the hand that Olivia raised and gently lowered it.

"We'll take care of that", she whispered, "come on…"

Alex started to stand intending on pulling Olivia up with her but the detective remained seating.

"I can't shower", Olivia said softly almost ashamed. "I can't get the stitches wet."

"That's okay", Casey said lightly slipping off the bed as well, "we'll figure something else out."

Casey reached over and put her hand under Olivia's elbow waiting for her to stand.

Olivia groaned in pain as she used both Casey and Alex to pull herself up.

Casey moved her hand to Olivia's shoulder.

"Are you okay, Liv?", she asked, "The doctor prescribed some pain medication.."

"I'm fine.", Olivia said curtly.

"Okay…", the red head said knowing not to push Olivia when it came to pain killers.

Olivia took another step forward but then doubled over and grabbed Casey's hand as she hissed in pain.

"I'll get the pills.", Alex said simply and then left the room before the detective could protest.

When she returned with the bottle of pills and a glass of water Olivia was once again seated on the bed.

"Here", she said handing the brunette the water and two pills.

Olivia placed the pills on her tongue and took a sip of water but as soon as the water reached the back of her throat she immediately began to gag and coughed up both the pills and the water onto the floor.

Seeing the tears threatening to fall Casey immediately began rubbing her back telling her that it was okay.

"I'm sorry", Olivia whispered hoarsely, "When it… I don't… I don't think I can…"

Olivia tried to look away but Alex once again knelt down in front of her and placed a hand on the detective's knee catching the woman's gaze.

"It's okay", Alex assured her giving her knee gentle squeeze.

"Let's just try a little water first okay?", she suggested.

Olivia took the glass from Alex again and tried to take another sip. This time when the water hit the back of her throat she managed to swallow a little but then once again felt the overwhelming urge to gag. Choking again she coughed up the water this time managing to spray it on Alex's shirt.

Knowing Olivia was ashamed Alex quickly dismissed the water on her shirt.

"Olivia, it's okay.", she said quickly, "Remember what I said in the hospital? You're our friend."

Then she gave Olivia a small smile. "Besides this is your shirt and I saw you've got a whole drawer of them."

Although she was unsuccessful in coaxing a smile out of the older woman she did see the brunette relax a little.

Casey rubbed Olivia's back again. "It's just going to take your body a little time, Liv. Do you want to try again?"

Olivia sighed and closed her eyes briefly before taking another sip. This time she managed to swallow almost all the water in her mouth before coughing.

It took about 15 more minutes of Alex reassuring her and Casey rubbing her back before she was finally able to successfully swallow the water and the pills.

Both Casey and Alex could tell how physically tired Olivia was and the last 15 minutes of gagging and trying to swallow those pills hadn't helped.

Alex looked over at the clock for the first time since they had gotten home and realized it was after 7:00 in the morning. The attorney wanted nothing more than to put her friend to bed and allow the pain medication to kick in but the nurse had only somewhat washed her face and neck at the hospital and Alex knew they needed to clean her up.

Alex continued to sit with Olivia until Casey returned to the bedroom and nodded to Alex that she was ready.

Helping Olivia to the bathroom Alex saw that Casey had placed a few pillows on the floor in front of the tub and draped a few towels on top of each other over the side. Slowly both Casey and Alex gently eased Olivia to the floor on top of the pillows.

"You okay there, Liv?", Casey asked.

As Olivia nodded Casey began to wring out a face clothe in the sink.

"Okay, Liv, I'm just going to wash your face", Casey informed her, "just tell me if you need me to stop okay?"

Olivia nodded again as Casey gently washed the brunette's face and then her neck after making sure to check with Olivia first.

"Can you take this off?", Casey asked referring to the gray sweatshirt the hospital had given Olivia to wear home.

Olivia hesitated for a moment before nodding and pealing off the sweatshirt. Olivia accepted the bath towel Casey handed her to cover herself with while Casey made quick work of washing the exposed parts of her upper body. Once that was done Casey helped Olivia make sure the towel was secured in place before instructing her to tilt her head back and rest her neck against the towels so Casey could wash her hair.

Casey worked as quickly as possible knowing that Olivia Benson did not like to ask for help least of all when it came to something as personal as bathing.

Once she was done towel drying the detective's hair she found herself wincing for Olivia as she helped the detective up off the floor and heard the woman groan.

When they returned to the bedroom Alex had drawn the blinds to block out the sun that had risen a little while ago.

Alex handed Olivia her pajamas and the brunette managed to trade in her towel and sweatpants for her t-shirt and flannel pants with only a little bit of help from Casey.

After helping Olivia into bed both attorneys exchanged a glance silently asking each other who should stay and who should take the couch.

"Um…", Olivia began tiredly as the full effects of her pain medication kicked in.

"What is it, hon?", Alex asked.

Olivia immediately looked down. "Uh… no, never mind."

"Come on, Liv", Casey prodded, "what were you going to say?"

"Oh… um…", Olivia stuttered clearly uncomfortable, "I was just um… thinking maybe you could both stay… but never mind."

Alex glanced down at the queen size bed. It wouldn't be the first time the three of them passed out on this bed she thought.

"Of course", Casey said giving Olivia a reassuring smile, "but Alex is sleeping on that side 'cuz I don't want to listen to her snoring in my ear all night."

Alex rolled her eyes as she slipped in next to Olivia.

"Thanks, Case, I love you too."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Ow!", Alex cried as an arm flung across her face waking her from her wrestles sleep.

Still half asleep Alex picked up the stray limb and placed it back down next to the woman lying beside her.

The attorney was just starting to fall back asleep when she was jolted awake by a woman yelling.

"Casey! NO!", Olivia yelled in her sleep.

Now fully awake Alex sat up quickly and looked over in the darkness to see that Casey was no longer lying on the other side of Olivia who was sobbing hysterically in her sleep.

"Casey! Please! No! I'm sorry!", Olivia continued to yell as her voice became hoarse.

Alex reached over and held down the brunette's arms to avoid getting hit while she tried to coax her awake.

"Olivia? Liv, honey, wake up…", Alex said as the detective continued to thrash.

"I'm so sorry Casey!", Olivia sobbed, "I'm so sorry!"

"Olivia!", Alex said loudly while shaking the detective's shoulders, "Olivia! It's okay! You're having a nightmare. Wake up honey!"

Olivia sat up suddenly almost knocking the ADA off the bed. Her eyes darted around wildly trying to get her bearings while tears continued to fall from her cheeks. Eventually her eyes found Alex sitting next to her on the bed staring at her with an alarmed but concerned look on her face.

As soon as she saw Alex she fell into the attorney's arms and began sobbing again.

"Alex! I'm so s-sorry!", she cried hiccupping with each sob, "She's gone! She's gone!"

"Shhhh…", Alex said soothingly as she brushed the damp hair off the detective's forehead, "Olivia, honey, no one's gone… It was just a dream, sweetheart. You're home. Everything's okay."

As Olivia continued to sob and occasionally gasp for air Alex knew that the dream must have been intense if it was this difficult to pull Olivia out of it. She tried to pull Olivia back so she could look her in the eyes but Olivia was fiercely clinging to the ADA with her face buried in the crook of the blonde's arm.

It was then that Casey came running into the room flicking on a lamp and practically jumped on the bed next to Alex.

"Alex! What happened?", Casey asked hurriedly, "I was sitting on the fire escape and I heard screaming. What's going on?"

"I'm not sure, Case. She had a nightmare. She kept yelling your name and saying she was sorry.", Alex said softly still cradling the woman in her arms.

Casey reached over to stroke Olivia's back and realized the woman was drenched in sweat. Casey ignored this as she moved in closer and alternated between rubbing the brunette's back and her hair.

"Olivia.", the red head said firmly but caringly over the older woman's sobs, "Olivia, it's Casey. Please look at me honey…"

Both women became increasingly concerned as Olivia continued to keep her head buried in Alex's arm while murmuring incoherently. Casey looked up at Alex and with the blonde's help managed to pull Olivia from the attorney's arms.

"Liv, look at me sweetheart.", she said taking Olivia's face in her hands and forcing the brunette to look at her. "You're at home honey. Alex and I are both here with you. Everything's okay."

Olivia's sobs reduced to slight tremors as her bleary eyes clouded over with confusion.

"Case?…", Olivia whispered hesitantly as if she was trying to get a grasp on reality.

"Yah sweetheart… I'm right here…", the young attorney replied softly while pulling the detective into her arms.

Olivia began crying softly against Casey's shoulder. Alex rubbed small circles between the brunette's shoulder blades as she made eye contact with Casey over their friend's head. Both women exchanged a look of both concern and relief… thankful that Olivia finally seemed to know where she was.

Casey gently kissed the top of Olivia's head before resting her cheek against the detective's head and lightly rocking her friend in her arms.

"Talk to us sweetheart…", Casey said softly, "what happened?"

When Olivia didn't respond right away Alex moved in closer and kept rubbing the detective's back.

"That must have been some nightmare…", Alex said sympathetically.

When Casey heard Olivia mumble something she tried to pull back but Olivia just held her more tightly.

"Not yet… please…", Olivia said sniffling.

Casey immediately held her tighter and kissed the top of her head again.

"Don't worry sweetheart… I'm not going anywhere… I promise…", the red head reassured her.

Casey exchanged another concerned glance with Alex.

"I thought you were… he… it was so real…", Olivia stumbled.

"I know.", Alex said softly rubbing Olivia's shoulder, "it sounded pretty terrible…."

"I… I… couldn't m-move and… he… he w-was hurting you…"

Alex felt the muscles in Olivia's arms tighten as she held the young ADA in a death grip.

"He s-said… all I had to do was s-say s-stop… and he would let you go", Olivia sobbed, "Casey!… I tried! But… but… but… I c-couldn't talk and you were… you were begging me to save your life but… I… I couldn't."

Olivia's whole body was now shaking again as the two attorneys tried to calm her down.

"Shhh… it was just a dream, hon…", Alex said.

Olivia continued to cry hard.

"All I had to do was say stop…", Olivia said hoarsely, "… I… I… l-let you die!"

"Oh Liv…", Casey said, "honey you didn't let me die. I'm right here with you. It was just a dream. You SAVED my life tonight sweetheart. You didn't let me die."

"I was so scared.", Olivia revealed in a barely audible whisper.

Both Alex and Casey recognized that the admission was not solely a result of the dream.

Sitting to the side of her two friends Alex reached out and wrapped her arms around both Casey and Olivia resting her forehead on the other side of Olivia's head.

"I know, love…", Alex whispered, "I know…"


End file.
